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A little tale.

8/9/2019

2 Comments

 
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Let me tell you a little tale. 
I am going to be real. I am going to be vulnerable. 
This line right here, below my belly button and above my pubic bone is where my babies come from, all 5 of them and this is why I am so passionate about your birth story. 

I was young when I had my first, it is only now that I realise just how young. I was young and filled with fear. Fear of birth, fear of Motherhood, fear of the unknown and hey I'll admit it fearful I would poop in labour. 

I laboured in the tiny 'prep' room, a windowless room with a bed, bench, shower and toilet. Two mothers came in to the birthing suite across the hall, laboured and went to their rooms all while I was still fearfully trying to get my baby out. I remember looking to my now husband and saying "I can't do that" as I heard a Mother all to clearly bring her baby earthside. 

Hours passed. 10cm and I pushed. Pushed and pushed some more. Next thing I know I was being prepped for  surgery, spinal, forceps and force. It was a blur flashing before my eyes all while willing him to just come out. He wouldn't. Why? I still to this day do not have an answer but it set the tone for how the rest of my births went. 
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18 months later I waddled back in to that same hospital and back in to that all to familiar prep room. I was again filled with fear but this time it was a new fear, I would "fail' again. 1 minute contractions, one minute apart. I hadn't been educated on VBAC, I didn't trust my body and I didn't believe in myself. I was far from empowered. Off to theatre I go again. 

The next morning I was asked something that has clearly stuck with me today. " What happened? Did you chicken out?". Well yes I did. I actually did. 

By the time baby number 3 is on the way it was deemed a caesarian was the safest way for me to deliver. 

As time moves on I heal a little more, with each birth I witness I process a little deeper. Heck, Ive has 5 caesarians thats pretty bad ass and rule breakery. I do question and wonder how my story would have played out if I knew then what I know today. Like you are allergic to morphine don't wait until c-section number 5 realise that and recovery freakin sucks, take it slow and your body will thank you afterwards and c-setions is so far from the easy way out and use your voice even when it shakes to get the questions you need to know the answers to.

I have 5 healthy, loving, kind, hilarious, strong-willed, energetic children. I wear my scar with pride. 
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And this is where you come in. 
When I photograph your birth I am more than just a fly on the wall. I am an energy filled being in your birth space, that sends as much love, support and positive vibes your way so that you have a better birth story than me. Please don't see this as caesarian shaming, it is me wishing my story was told a different way. 

I hold your hand when your partner needs a break, I get you a drink and I tell you you can do this. I am in your corner, I am on your team. I draw on my experience with my births to be the person I needed in the room the day I was most vulnerable. 

Being a birth photographer runs so much deeper than standing in the room and pressing the shutter. I give you my all when I am in the room with you because I believe in you the moments you forget. 

Once your birth is over, I go home to my babes and I beam with pride for you and your strength no matter how your story played out, I edit your images and deliver them to you. Then I watch you flood with empowerment and awe of what your body achieved. These images created a legacy for generations to come and I got to be a part of that. How incredible. You are incredible. 
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2 Comments
Shelley Robertson
8/9/2019 10:26:05 pm

Wow , I sit here and read every word as if it were my own story , I too have had 5 openings , I too was just pulled along without a voice following what I was told i had to do desperately wanting to experience the birth /spiritual bonding of bring my babies into this world . We are vulnerable and trusting but we get the job done , I just wanted to do the hard , exhilarating , exhausting work to feel that absolute delight at the end I guess ??.. I love to sit and watch “ one born every minute “ and that is my way of experiencing the feelings and magic of birth and I guess it’s the same as you except yours is obviously more real ...... in the end we all get our beautiful babies and how lucky are we to be blessed with them ....

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    Pagan Mckenzie
    Mama to 5
    Bulldogs x 4
    Birth, Fresh 48 and Newborn in home Photographer. 

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